She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
