The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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