I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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