I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
