Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
