Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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