He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
