My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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