you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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