Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
