My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
