Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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