is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize