Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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