He kissed a someone with a penis
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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