If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
