He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
