i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
