i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize