We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
