I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
