how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
