Christians are straight up FREAKS
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
