remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
