I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
