i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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