can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
