Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
