I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
