oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
