it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
