So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
