Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
