Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize