I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
