I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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