hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
