I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
