New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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