it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We talked him into tasing himself.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
