just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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