I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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