After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
