No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
