im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
