Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
