I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize