You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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