I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
