Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
