i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
