you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
