I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
