Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
