it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
