we have pet lesbian snakes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
