I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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