I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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