His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
