you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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