Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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