# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
