if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
