am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
