i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
