dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize