operation have a gay friend backfired
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
