hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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