dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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