so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
