Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
