the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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