My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
