Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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