Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
