I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
