Kiss
Puke
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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