i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
