his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
