He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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