ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
