I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
