my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
