College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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