dude i'm inner monologue high
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
