he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
