turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
