i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
