So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
