I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize