he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
