dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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