Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This house was built for laser tag.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
