Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize