I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I could make wine with my vomit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
