i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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