so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
