What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this will be a night to untag.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize