new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
