It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sext me about skeletons
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
