ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
