yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
