mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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