I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I woke up under a house in Key West
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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